My inner ego fueled my dreams in comedy and acting

Sasha Merci as Josefina in “La Egoísta” by Erlina Ortiz at the Philadelphia Theater Company. (Image source: Mark Garvin)

“Soy Demasiado,” a special edition for Juntos, celebrates Latinas reclaiming what it means to be “too much.” Read the stories here.

In a Dominican family, women are often raised to be the glue that holds everyone together. From a young age, we are taught to be dependable, dependable, and emotionally steadfast. Our role is clear: we support the family, sometimes at the expense of our own dreams. In a culture that places so much emphasis on familismo – the idea that family always comes first – I was raised to believe that my value lies in how well I can build and nurture a nest on which others can rest. Pursuing dreams that did not fit into this vision for our family was not only discouraged; it was almost unimaginable.

For me, the path to achieving my own dreams meant questioning the foundations of these values. The decision to leave New York and move to Los Angeles in 2018 to pursue a career as an actress and comedian felt like an act of rebellion. It was the most selfish thing I could have done – or at least that's how my family made me feel. They asked me why I chose this uncertain path, and whenever I missed family gatherings or drama broke out at home, I would get calls saying that if I had been there, things would have been different.

The decision to move and the consequences were agonizing, full of guilt and self-doubt. Every missed vacation or family gathering was a reminder of the expectations I was defying. As the person in the family who set boundaries, I became the “difficult one,” the selfish one. At times I questioned my decision, but I believed that if I put my dreams first, I could break the cycle and live a life that sets new standards for what a Dominican woman can achieve.

Because deep down, I knew that if I had stayed, the generational problems would have remained. My absence didn't cause it; It allowed me to see them more clearly and confirmed my decision to pursue a new path.

Of course, finding a new path for yourself is not easy. Self-doubt creeps in, and generational trauma can convince you to believe the very ideas you're trying to break free from. But I realized that being perceived as an “egoist” by people you love often has nothing to do with malice. It is rooted in the fear of what failure might mean for you. Parents, especially, want to protect us and have been taught to survive, not thrive. Life should be taken seriously, with roles assigned that should keep the family ecosystem stable. But times change and Latinas can be whatever they want.

In my role as Josefina in a play I recently starred in called “La Egoísta,” I found a powerful reflection of my own life. “La Egoísta” was written by Erlina Ortiz, produced by Tony Award-winning production company Edgewood Entertainment and directed by Tatyana-Marie Carlo. I shared the stage with Maria Gabriela González, who played my sister, and with the puppeteer Marisol Rosea Shapiro. I am deeply grateful to have shared the stage with such talented people. This project showed me the importance of putting art first; It inspired, moved and encouraged the audience to look within themselves to find out what they may be missing or what they need to become. Josefina made me realize how important it is to embrace the “egoísta” in myself.

Like me, Josefina is caught in the tug of war between individual dreams and family loyalty. Familismo is a beautiful value rooted in love and support, but it can also be a burden, especially for women. For Latinas, these expectations often lead to the unspoken rule that our dreams come second. Men are expected to be active while women are expected to be nesters and always make sacrifices for the family. I realized that while familismo is empowering, it can inadvertently hinder women from reaching their full potential.

When my career as a comedian and actress began, I had to make sacrifices that many would not understand. I missed weddings, birthdays and other family gatherings. Over time, I realized that my boundaries were necessary—not an act of surrender, but an assertion of self-respect.

It took years, but I learned to say no, protect my time, and prioritize my well-being and mental health over guilt. I realized that if I sacrifice myself, I'm not helping anyone in the long run. In order to do my best and be a successful comedian and actress, I had to give myself permission to pursue what felt right, even if it contradicted everything I had been taught.

While some relatives have gotten it, others still don't. When I say no to big family events, her disappointment is palpable. I've been called “too much” for prioritizing my career, but I'm grounded in the knowledge that by being true to myself, I'm honoring my family in my own way. I want to show that a Latina can pursue her dreams, succeed, and still love her family deeply.

Playing Josefina taught me so much about the power of choice. “La Egoísta” gave me the opportunity to express the conflict that many Latinas face: wanting to stay true to our roots while focusing on achieving our dreams. Familismo is beautiful, but for it to truly serve us, it must evolve to support the dreams of each family member. Women deserve the freedom to dream big, move away when they want, and redefine what family means to them.

Here's what I say to other career-minded Latinas: Don't be afraid to embrace your inner egoísta. It's not selfish to protect your dreams and set boundaries for your well-being. Your ambitions are justified and your goals are worth pursuing. When we create space for our growth, we don't abandon our families; We are creating a legacy that shows future generations that they too can pursue their passions without compromise. I am proud to be a Dominican woman forging a new path, and I hope that by pursuing my dreams, I will help others do the same.

Sasha Merci is a first-generation Dominican-American actress, comedian and viral digital creator. She has over a decade of diverse experience in the entertainment industry with roles in films such as Righteous Thieves and De Lo Mio, as well as collaborations with renowned brands such as Target and Bumble. She shares her Bronx roots and passion for Latin culture while being vocal about mental health and navigating comedy.